Evelyn, the Cat

My pretty kitty, Evelyn, is suddenly possessed to the point, I wouldn't be surprised if her head spun around backward and she launched pea-green gross stuff at me from her mouth.

#2 refers to her as Evil-Lynne and he may be correct. I have long known she is one half Evil and one half Nutro Natural Choice Complete Care Adult Weight Management cat food (which, I might point out, hasn't controled her weight in the least because it is still out of hand.) She is Evil because she frequently buries her claws in my thigh when she thinks she is being totally neglected... a thing that happens often enough that I have permanent puncture wounds. She is Evil when she decides that tonight she will sleep in the bed with me, perches on the pillow next to my head and proceeds to groom/lick/wash and purr, all at four-freaking-am. I love cat purrs and Evelyn's purr is very loud. I think she must also be half lion.

So that makes half Evil, half Cat Food and half lion. Well, if you take into consideration that cats reportedly have nine lives, then I still have 15 halfs to go to make a whole cat, so I don't want to hear anything from all of you mathematical geniuses out there who have quickly deduced that three halfs make a whole with a half left over.

But, I digress.

I do love cat purrs, but I don't enjoy inhaling cat fur all night and I further don't enjoy when anything decides to lick their genitals/anal region about five inches from my face. I mean she slurps. It is a praticularly gross sound. That doesn't make her Evil... that makes her a fur person mammal with rather disagreeable habits.

At some point in the Great Move to Virginia, she picked up a flea infestation that I have been keeping under control with the regular use of a flea comb. So what has that to do with anything? I stayed a night over and #2's house because Clover and I decided to have a SLUMBER PARTY, there by leaving Evil-Lynne at home alone.

Clover and I tried to have a slumber party, that is. #2 went to bed at midnight, and Clover and I stayed up for an extra two hours, dicussing all manner of things that girls discuss when they are having a slubmer party... that is clothes, hair and make-up, really hot guys on TV and in Movies, the general state of the world, quantum physics, and string theory.

Opps... off the subject again...

Evelyn ran to me when I opened the door at 1 pm Saturday afternoon and then proceeded to anticipate where I was walking. Twice I tripped over her, then I gave her some food and fresh water even though she still had plenty of both, the whole time swearing at her because if I fell on her, I would have killed her and broken my hip. I was away for about 20 hours, so her behavior was uncalled for, in my opinion. I left the TV on for her, on her favortie station--Animal Planet. Anyway, she jumped into my lap every time I sat anywhere. Even when I put Advantage on her that didn't deter her from annoying me to death. Advantage kills fleas within 12 hours, but it completely pisses them off first and they began biting her. I combed the staggered and dying fleas out of her fur and she still wouldn't get out of my lap. She twitched and washed, but she didn't get out of my lap.

So, resigned, I allowed her to stay in my lap while I tried to watch TV, but she doesn't SIT comfortably. She walks around in my lap. She climbs up my chest to sit, albeit briefly, on the back of the computer chair and then back down my chest. She does the marchy thing where she adds additional puncture wounds to my thighs, completely annoying me. Every time I threw her onto the floor, she hopped back into my lap, usually with the addition of more puncture wounds and slash marks and purred and marched some more.

OKAY, already. I know she loves me, but too much of a good thing isn't always the best thing for us.

I think I am going to see how much trouble it is to keep her in soft-paws, so we can alter Evil-Lynne into Wimpy-You-Can't-Hurt-Me-Ever-Again-Kitty. Unless, she decides to take up biting me, instead.

The things we put up with all in the name of love. If she was a man, I would have thrown her out months ago.