On Many Subjects

Listening to Danse Macabre in G Minor, Op. 40 by Camille Saint-Saëns performed by the CSR Symphony Orchestra (Bratislava), Keith Clark, conducting while reading the morning COMICS .

I can't believe I missed this: Roy Scheider died last week . Since he was on the top five five actors EVER list, I guess that means that all the other actors just moved up a notch. Although I would not suggest waiting around for someone to die as a way to improve your acting skills.

One of the most embarassing moments of my life happened when my b/f told me that I fart in my sleep. He told me it pisses him off when I do it. My first thought was, "Am I farting so loudly that I wake him up?" My second thought was, "It's a really good thing that he doesn't live with me." My third thought, "I will never ask him to stay over night again because I won't sleep worrying about whether or not I fart." My fourth thought, "Oh yeah, big boy? Well, You drool AND snore. You think I enjoy your slobber all over my shoulder when we aren't having sex? You think I enjoy the sound of a train rollling through my bedroom every time you take a breath? You think I enjoy having to pulll the drapes out of your nose every morning? What's a little fart compared to that?" To which he answered, "Farts stink." Me: So does drool AND snoring. Him: You talk in your sleep. Me: What do I say? Him: It is not really clea

Every now and then I run across something that makes me laugh out loud. An engineering student was walking across campus with a shiny new mountain bike when he was approached by a friend, also an engineering student. The friend said, "Hey, where'd you get the great looking bike?" The first engineer replied, "Well, I was walking across campus the other day. This beautiful woman rode up to me on her bike, ripped off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said 'Take ANYTHING you want!!!'" The second engineer replied, "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit, anyway!" I stole this from HERE.

Overheard in Starbucks: Starbucks Guy: What's your name? Customer: Craig SG: Greg? C: Craig SG: Jeff? C: Craig. CRAIG! C-R-A-I-G SG: Oh. One of those names with all the vowels. C: I keep fogetting to use Jim SG: You should. A name just for coffee. C: A coffee name? SG: Yes. C: What happens if I forget my coffee name when you get my coffee ready? SG: We will keep calling out your name until you answer. C: But, it won't be my name. SG: Yes, it will. It will be your coffee name. C: Just give me my coffee. SG: Ok. I put Jim on the cup. C: But, my name is Craig. SG: Not today. Me (to customer behind me): What's he going to do when I tell him my name is Sheila C: Your name is Sheila? Me: No, but I am going to tell him it is. C: Why? Me: I want to know what my coffee name is and if I give him a name with a lot of vowels, he will tell me. SG (to me): What can I get for you? Me: Cafe Latte Grande SG: OK. And your name? Me: Sheila SG: Oh no, not again. Me: What's wrong? SG: Vowel

When I was much younger, say around 11, I had a distinct idea of what adulthood would be like. I had a whole list of things I would be able to do as an adult that were forbidden me as a child. Ferinstance: Drink Coffee : At some point in my tender young life, it occurred to me that adults drink coffee all the time. I never realized my parents refusing to allow me this decadent luxury was the result of them not wanting me to get hyper and bounce off the walls all day long. My paternal units preferred quiet serenity. Once I was allowed to drink coffee, which happened sometime around high school graduation, I was hopelessly addicted and a slave ever since. OK. The coffee thing DID turn out as I expected. Become a Nurse : What better way to tie down a Doctor Meal Ticket? Marry a Doctor : If you marry a doctor, you will never have to worry about money. You will be taken care of. I didn't marry a doctor because very early in my attempt to become a nurse, I realized that I lack the compas

The worse sound has to be the sound when two cars crunch together. I had an opportunity to experience that yesterday when I became a car sandwich. I know this is a terrible sound after being in a couple of minor wrecks years ago. Yesterday's wreck on Interstate 64 East Bound was the WORSE wreck I had ever been in. The girl hit me from behind and pushed me into the car in front of me. A double whammy. She hit my car hard enough to push it 75 feet from a stopped position and into the next car. Needless to say, my new car is a total loss. Crap! Now I have to buy a new new car. No one was injured, but I still have a wicked headache this morning and the insurance people to me to go to the doctor... and my knee hurts, probably from pushing on the brakes too hard. As a testimonial to how well made my Honda was, after being smacked in the rear and then pushed into the car in front hard enough to break the battery, crack the radiator, damage the transmission, and bend the frame, the car was

It's a DOG, not an accessory.

I am working on re-decorating my apartment, using the same old crap I have been lugging from place to place since 2001. So how do you turn an apartment into something aesthetically pleasing to ones self and to visitors who happen to drop in, either announced or unannouced, like the guy next door who knocks to periodically check to see if I have found all my electrical outlets. He is an electrician named Vincent. What, you say, in shocked incredulity. I know. I did, too. Electricians are named Hank, or Guy, or Jim, but never, oh, never Vincent. I digress. At least my apartment is looking far less college-dorm after the homecoming game kegger, and more homey with that fifties aesthetic flair. Hey! I have only been here for six months. A decorator would tell me I have to update. Decorator: This place is so negatively eclectic 50s. Dear, you really must drag yourself, albeit kicking and screaming, into the 21st century. Me: You don't like my current decor? Decorator: Decor? No one EV

I am in Virginia. Virginia is for lovers... well, uh, maybe. The jury is still out on that one. Carry me back to old Virginnie... OK. That one is possible because Virginia just celebrated it's 400th year of being a permanent British settlement. Also, everytime someone asks me for my Driver's Lilcense and I show them the one from Florida, I get the same question: Why did you move HERE from FLORIDA, ferpetessake? No good answers to that question. (Read Above) The one that is most prominent in my mind about my move to Virginia is... Well, it's certainly not for the weather. Winter is freaking cold. I have been bundled up since around the end of October and I don't see this ending in the near future. It is so cold, I don't have to dis-robe when I have a hot flash while shopping at mall. Shopping! That's what I wanted to talk about. I have been shopping for winter clothes and all the new stuff had to find a home in my closet. So, I started moving out the really cool

I write a lot. I get paid to write. Here is a recently published article I wrote. Check it out! Employees Benefit from Seated Chair Massage

While on the phone with my friend: Me: I hear someone's car alarm going off. Him: That's annoying. Me: In this neighborhood, probably someone is stealing a car. (looking out of the window) Wait! Where's my car?

I bought a bag of GoldFish crackers... those cute little golden colored crackers that are so tasty and when I opened the bag, I was in for a shock. Some has been screwing around with my goldfish crackers, that I might add, I gave to my granddaughter The Divine Miss M and they became and INSTANT FAVORITE. "OH my GOD! It's full of STARS!"