Sleep Disorders

One of the most embarassing moments of my life happened when my b/f told me that I fart in my sleep. He told me it pisses him off when I do it.

My first thought was, "Am I farting so loudly that I wake him up?" My second thought was, "It's a really good thing that he doesn't live with me." My third thought, "I will never ask him to stay over night again because I won't sleep worrying about whether or not I fart." My fourth thought, "Oh yeah, big boy? Well, You drool AND snore. You think I enjoy your slobber all over my shoulder when we aren't having sex? You think I enjoy the sound of a train rollling through my bedroom every time you take a breath? You think I enjoy having to pulll the drapes out of your nose every morning? What's a little fart compared to that?"

To which he answered, "Farts stink."

Me: So does drool AND snoring.
Him: You talk in your sleep.
Me: What do I say?
Him: It is not really clear. More like mumbling.
Me: I am a sleep mumbler?
Him: Yes. I am a sleep walker.
Me: Where do you go?
Him: Mostly to the bathroom.
Me: You are a sleep pee-er?
Him: At least I don't wet the bed.
Me: Just wait. You are still young.
Him: You are a sleep Democrat.
Me: Kill me now.

Comments

Bee said…
BWAHAHAHA!
Oh the joys of relationships! Don't tell anybody but I'd settle for a nice pair of shoes instead.
Simon Jester said…
Is he aware that he sweats all night long too? If he didn't, he'd be sleep walking to the can a lot more often.

And losing old dead skin too.

If I were you, I'd tell him to crash on the floor beside the bed. That way you wouldn't have to put your feet on a cold floor first thing in the morning. A win-win!
Karen Pope said…
Bee,

I think I like the shoe idea. They are so much more reliable.
Karen Pope said…
Don,

You're right! A win/win. And here I was, thinking of sending him home. I guess guys do have their uses.
Karen Pope said…
Wait.... Don, you said losing dead skin. IN MY EBD??????? Ewwwwwww! He is definately bunking on the floor.
Anonymous said…
A sleep democrat?! Oh, the horror.
Anonymous said…
Ditch 'im. :-) After 5 years, my former boyfriend started telling me I smelled bad. My perfume made him gag. My breath was bad. You name it, he said it smelled. He was too much of a chicken to tell me he was tired of f***ing me and wanted to move on.

Here's the problem, long term...When you get old, as you are bound to do, and start becoming incontinent, and forgetful, and saggy, and all the other delightful surprises waiting for you in mid-life, he needs to love you enough to love WHO you are, in order to take those changes in stride. Oh and by the way, he's going to go bald, get a gut, and get saggy. He'll lose his mind to Alzheimer's WAY before you do...so he'll need somebody to stick around and wipe his ass and remember where his pills are, and in what order they need to be taken.

I repeat...ditch 'im.

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