Have You Ever Thought About Working?

Ever have one of those days where an old flame calls you on the phone after you haven't heard anything from him in two years or more and he chats about this and that, inquiring about your job, your love life, your family? You know, "How's your mom and dad doing? Where are your kids? You still in school? How is your cat?"

Oh Hell, NO! he did not play the cat card. Asking about my cat is supposed to soften me up for the kill. Then, this happened:

Him: So, you have your own place?
Me: Yes. It is in Virginia, not Florida.
Him: Virginia is nice. I drove through there a last weekend.
Me: Going where?
Him: I was visiting DC. I would like to live near DC.
Me: I don't live near DC. It is like 4 hours or maybe 10 hours away.
Him: So, you have a pull-out sofa?
Me: No. I have a futon.
HIm: That's OK. Futons are nice to sleep on.
Me: Wait a cotton-pickin' minute. What are you asking?
Him: Well, I need a place to stay for a while.
Me: Why? What is wrong with your place?
Him: I am at my Mom's house. My wife and I seperated and now I have to pay $900 a month in child support and I need to finish school so I can make enough money to pay the child support, plus have my own place to live.
Me. Whoa! Wait a minute! I don't have room for a room mate. This apartment is too small for me and two cats.
Him: I really need a place to move. You and I have always been good friends.
Me: So, you lined everyone in your little black book up and started calling to find out who would let you move in?
Him: No. It's not like that at all. I LOOKED for you on the Internet. I tried really hard to find you. I have been looking for two weeks. I really need a place to stay.
Me: You really need a job.
Him: I'll get one. I'll help pay the rent. Oh, you have a computer, right? I have to leave this one with my mom, so you will let me use yours, right? And you have a TV? And cable? You have any movie channels?
Me: Wait just a minute, bucko. I did NOT say you can move in with me.
Him: I really need a place to stay.
Me: You have a place to stay... Your Mom's house.
Him: But, I don't like it here.
Me: You won't like it here, either.

The funny thing is, this is the second man this week who wanted to move in with me. Under normal circumstances, I would be totally flattered. But, neither one has a JOB. Both are living with their mothers and neither one likes it. I can understand that. But, when did I become a rescue mission for jobless men who still live with there moms... and these men are not right out of high school, either. One is over forty. One is over fifty. And they still live with their moms. And they are still unemployed.

There is something wrong with this. VERY wrong.

Why can't a guy with a great job, and a big house on the beach want to live with me? I am a great room mate, you know. Just getting all these offers should prove that.

Oh, wait! I forgot about the man who lives next door and who is getting evicted this week because he was laid off and cannot pay his rent and he has to move in with his mom. That makes three in the past ten days.

I must have something special. I must be the greatest person, ever. Everyone loves me! I am wonderful! Three men want to move in with me! I am the luckiest girl in the whole USA.

Ok. I am not lying to myself, here. The special thing I have is a steady job and enough income to buy pretty much what I want. And this homeless, jobless man epidemic will stop once the presidential election is over. Because if not, I will have to buy a boarding house for all my jobless, homeless male friends.