On Many Subjects

Miss M (2 years old): Norman! Norman: Don't call me Norman. I have a title. It's Daddy Miss M: Daddy! Norman: That's right. Daddy. Miss M: Okay, fine, Daddy.

We all get older. I recently had a birthday and I took some time tio reflect on my life. I created a list that every woman should have by the time she is 35. This list applies if you are 22 or 75 or 54 (just like Oprah, John Travolta and me. Some of the things on this list were borrowed from Glamour magazine. 1 One old boyfriend who reminds you of how far you’ve come. 2 A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. 3 The knowledge of how to entertain unexpected guests and a house clean enough that you won't be embarassed when someone does drop by unexpectedly, but no so clean you make your guests uncomfortable. 4 A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. 5 A youth you’re content to move beyond. 6 A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. 7 The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it. 8 An e-mail address, a voice mailb...

I stole this photo from Don Lewis, a REAL Scientist . Here is proof that Global Warming exists and is not just a story we tell to scare the children into good behavior.

I am a writer and a wordsmith. I thoroughly enjoy the fun of language, with its play on words, double meanings and things like that. One of the best examples of linguistic humor is from Calvin and Hobbes. In fact, we don't even need the added fun of the characters with Calvin the six year old with the shoes that look like dinner-rolls and Hobbes, the not-very-ferocious (stuffed) tiger for this to be funny- Calvin: I like to verb words. Hobbes: What? Calvin: I take nouns and adjectives and use them as verbs. Remember when "access" was a thing? Now, it's something you do. It got verbed. Verbing weirds language. Hobbes: Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding. Same thing happened to Google. Google was a thing, now we all Google. Calvin is right. Our language is getting weird. And I am responsible for verbing lots of words, myself. Like crayon, TV, and Calvin. To wit: I will crayon that picture. I am going home to TV for the rest ...

How can anyone be funny when they are facing being laid off, eviction, breaking up with their boyfriend and ultimate starvation. Granted, the starvation part may take a little time simply because I have put on weight recently and now closely resemble a... hmmmm... I was going to say whale, but maybe walrus is a better term. At any rate, I went to the beach (actually the shores of Chesapeake Bay) and overheard the following conversation between a Jamaican lady and her two children. Oldest child (about age 8): Can I cover my brother with sand? Mom: No. So, the little 3 year old remained un-buried. I was happy about that on many levels.

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement — not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. ‘Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,’ she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ‘Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.’ A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ‘Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.. Her mother just smiled and replied, ‘Of course I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.’ NOW I ASK YOU - IS TH...

Him: At the Gloucester City Council meeting, last night a guy got up and said, "I don't know why anyone would want to live in New Jersey. Me: Why did he say that? Him: He was talking about crime, education, everything else. And do you know who he was? Me: Tell me. I am breathless with anticipation. Him: The Mayor. Me: ROTFLMAO (Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off) Him: I am serious. The Mayor said that. Me: That is why it is funny.