Grandmotherly Advice

My oldest son has experienced the birth of his daughter, the Divine Miss M. My neighbor, Lionel, has a pregnant wife, who is having a boy, so the whole-girls-never-wearing-pink-issue is no longer an issue. There is someone looking out for that little unborn guy!

For some reason, these two men seem to think I am the child birth guru and can answer any of their questions regarding pregnancy and child birth. This is a compilation of questions and answers that have occurred over the past two years.

#2: We are thinking about a sibling for Miss M. Should my wife have a baby after 30?
Me: No, 30 children is enough.

Li: Jean is two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
Me: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Li: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
Me: Childbirth.

Li: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
Me: So what's your question?

#2: Our childbirth instructor says it's not pain my wife will feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
Me: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

#2: When is the best time to get an epidural?
Me: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Li: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
Me: Not at all... especially if the word "alimony" means nothing to you.

Li: Is there anything Jean should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
Me: Yes, pregnancy.

#2: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
Me: When the baby is in college.

It must be the gray hair that is cleverly hidden by red hair dye that makes me so wise. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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