Saving the Planet
My visit to the office was two-fold. Of course, I had to pay the monthly vig to the apartment complex owners, but I also went there to complain about my window screens.
OK. To be more accurate, to complain because I have NO window screens on my windows. This is not a new problem. I have had no window screens since I moved in 'way back in July.
Me: I still don't have screens on my windows.
Apartment Complex Manager: I will fill out a work order.
Me: You have filled out a work order for window screens every month since July. That is the month I moved in, you know.
ACM: Well, this time we will get it fixed.
Me: You said that last month.
ACM: I really mean it, this time.
Me: Of course you do.
ACM: See? I am filling out the work order now.
Me: Which you will throw in the trash as soon as I walk out of the room.
ACM: We don't throw them away.
ME: Whatever. Listen, it is not for me that I want screens on my windows. It is for the environment.
ACM: Excuse me?
Me: I want to do my part to stop global warming.
ACM: I don't get it.
Me: If I have screens on my windows, then I can actually open my windows and let the beautiful spring weather into my apartment. Without the screens, I have to run the air conditioner, unnecessarily, I might add.
ACM: But...
Me: Wait! I'm not finished. When I run the air conditioner unnecessarily, then I use more electricity than I would if I simply opened the windows to take advantage of the glorious breezes that waft through the apartment, removing toxins in the air, and, I might add, saving my lungs from contamination.
ACM: But...
Me: So, if you don't REALLY get screens for my windows, you will single-handedly be responsible for raising the world-wide temperature by at least .03 degrees Celsius.
ACM:....
Me: Do I get my screens or not?
ACM:....
Me: Well?
ACM:....
Me: OK. I am moving, then.
ACM: When?
Me: Just don't expect me to renew my lease.
ACM: What if we put screens on your windows?
Me: Then, the time I have left in the complex will be much more pleasant and you will get a personal thank you card from Al Gore.
ACM:....
OK. To be more accurate, to complain because I have NO window screens on my windows. This is not a new problem. I have had no window screens since I moved in 'way back in July.
Me: I still don't have screens on my windows.
Apartment Complex Manager: I will fill out a work order.
Me: You have filled out a work order for window screens every month since July. That is the month I moved in, you know.
ACM: Well, this time we will get it fixed.
Me: You said that last month.
ACM: I really mean it, this time.
Me: Of course you do.
ACM: See? I am filling out the work order now.
Me: Which you will throw in the trash as soon as I walk out of the room.
ACM: We don't throw them away.
ME: Whatever. Listen, it is not for me that I want screens on my windows. It is for the environment.
ACM: Excuse me?
Me: I want to do my part to stop global warming.
ACM: I don't get it.
Me: If I have screens on my windows, then I can actually open my windows and let the beautiful spring weather into my apartment. Without the screens, I have to run the air conditioner, unnecessarily, I might add.
ACM: But...
Me: Wait! I'm not finished. When I run the air conditioner unnecessarily, then I use more electricity than I would if I simply opened the windows to take advantage of the glorious breezes that waft through the apartment, removing toxins in the air, and, I might add, saving my lungs from contamination.
ACM: But...
Me: So, if you don't REALLY get screens for my windows, you will single-handedly be responsible for raising the world-wide temperature by at least .03 degrees Celsius.
ACM:....
Me: Do I get my screens or not?
ACM:....
Me: Well?
ACM:....
Me: OK. I am moving, then.
ACM: When?
Me: Just don't expect me to renew my lease.
ACM: What if we put screens on your windows?
Me: Then, the time I have left in the complex will be much more pleasant and you will get a personal thank you card from Al Gore.
ACM:....
Comments
Screens are also discriminatory to our multi-legged insectoid companions. I may have to drop a line to PETA about you.
(Move to a cave, eat raw things, and die at 35. It's the fastest way to become one with the Earth. (Or the dirt anyway.)
Inside, well Spiders make me run into furniture.