Have You Tried Turning if Off and Then Turning it Back On?

 My computer got all borked up, yesterday.  I was happily watching something on Hulu and then... nothing.  The video vanished, the computer refused to cooperate when I tried mousing around a bit and finally, I just pulled the plug while loudly announcing to it, "Show me what you got, now, big boy!"  

Photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash

But not before going to my tablet and looking up all kinds of Internet "helpful" information that did nothing to change the situation I had going with my PC-turned-paperweight.

So, I complied a list of equally ineffectual things to do when your computer is suddenly all borked up.

  1. Hold down the control button and also every third button on your keyboard for exactly 27.4 seconds.
  2. Enter the password for something you didn’t even know you ever had a password for.
  3. Forgot your password? Click to send a recovery link to the email you no longer have access to and/or also don’t know the password to.
  4. Restart the computer while holding your 8th grade report card in your left hand.
  5. Reload applications
  6. Consider googling “What are applications and how to reload them” but realize you can’t because your computer is broken.
  7. Realize your warranty expired 18 seconds ago.
  8. Eat a sandwich angrily.
  9. Regret not learning what a “cloud” is and how to put things in it.
  10. Continue following long step-by-step recovery process. On step 10 realize this list was written in 2004 and is now outdated.
  11. Start over again with a new step-by-step written last week. Realize halfway through it’s outdated as well.
  12. Download updated browser.
  13. Follow error signs saying you can’t download browser without updated flash.
  14. Update flash.
  15. Follow error signs saying you can’t download flash without updated browser.
  16. Consider becoming Amish.
  17. Remember how much you like cat videos.
  18. Call tech support. Get advice that doesn’t work.
  19. Call tech support. Get opposing advice from second guy who says the other guy didn’t know what he was talking about but which also doesn’t work.
  20. Repeat step 19. Several times.
  21. Call tech support. Lady says that the computer problem you’re describing isn’t even possible.
  22. Doubt everything, including own existence.
  23. Call tech support. New guy listens to your extremely long rant about everything you’ve tried. Asks, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Lay your head on the keyboard and cry softly.
  24. Try turning it on and off again even though you’ve already done that multiple times just to show the tech guy you’re not an idiot.
  25. Stare at the wall and grind your teeth into dust when that totally works.
  26. When they guy asks, “That fixed it, right?” lie to him and tell him you have to go because you have to set your office on fire.
  27. Start back at step one 25 minutes later when everything crashes again.
Incredibly, after doing step 24 about 8 times, it actually worked.  

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