I admit that I am getting older and am beyond retirement age. Further, most of my friends are also getting older and beyond retirement age.
It has been a very long time since I was drunk called by anyone in the middle of the night. At 8:00 PM last evening my phone rang. Just as a side note, when you are my age, 8:00 PM is the middle of the night. My neighbor who is a 76 year old spinster called me, drunk as a lord, and the conversation went something like this…
Neighbor: I haven’t heard from you in a while. Are you still above the dirt?
Me: Obviously, since I answered the phone. I waved at you two days ago when you were dragging dog food out of your car plus, a rescue vehicle hasn’t shown up at my front door recently. Figure it out.
Neighbor: That was you? I couldn’t figure out who was waving at me from your front porch.
Me: Who else would it have been? Are you drunk?
Neighbor: Well, this is only my second bottle of wine.
Me: That’s what I thought, although I mentally underestimated the amount of wine you have actually consumed. What’s on your mind?
Neighbor: I just called to tell you I am going out of town for a few days.
Me: I’m not watching your dogs!
Neighbor: That’s harsh.
Me: I have told you before, I am not watching your dogs. Its not that I think your dogs are bad or anything, but they smell like dogs. I don’t like dogs. Anybody’s dogs. Not just yours.
Neighbor: I found someone to watch my dogs. If you see a thirty year old blond woman going in and out of my house, she is the one who is watching the dogs. Oh, I am selling my house.
Me: Really?
Neighbor: Yeah. Our neighbor just sold hers and got nearly $300,000 for her tiny place. I figure I can get at least that much for mine. I have the best looking yard in the neighborhood.
Me: You have been saying you are going sell and move for the past 8 years that I know of.
Neighbor: I mean it, this time. I’ll miss talking to you.
Me: I am still not watching your dogs.
Neighbor: Dammit.
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