On Many Subjects

I heard a news report on the radio as I drove into work yesterday about how iPod users are being mugged more and more often. Not only do the muggers take money from the person, they take the iPod as well. Evidently, the iPod is a new status symbol of wealth and/or prosperity and the average mugger takes that as a sign that the iPod user has more money than the average person. Personally, if I were a mugger, I would think the iPod user probably just bought an iPod instead of paying the rent.  I could be wrong, but I would never take that as an outward sign of wealth.  For my part, I would be looking for Pierre Cardin Driving Boots. I realize it is incredibly easy to mug an iPod user as they obliviously stroll along the street. All one has to do is to stick their foot out and DOWN the iPod user goes. (Please understand, I am not trying to give any would-be muggers any ideas, here.) Once the iPod user is on the sidewalk, then the assailant can proceed with the theft. As a theft deterrent ...

When my children were younger, there was always an argument as to who go to sit in the front passenger seat of the car if we were going someplace. I never found a workable solution until today. I wish I had these rules about twenty-five years ago, but I will post them now for anyone with children, gradnchildren, friends, and a car. THE SHOTGUN RULES version 1.1 The rules listed below apply to the calling of Shotgun (the passenger seat) in an automobile. These rules are definitive and binding. Section I The Basic Rules 1. In order to call Shotgun, the caller must pronounce the word "Shotgun" in a clear voice. This call must be heard and acknowledged by the driver. The other occupants of the vehicle need not hear the call as long as the driver verifies the call. 2. Shotgun may only be called if all occupants of the vehicle are outside and on the way to said vehicle. 3. Early calls are strictly prohibited. Shotgun may only be called while walking toward the vehicle and only appl...

The first time it happened, I was pretty okay with it. What? you are wondering about now. OK. Let me back up. There are some girly things I do for myself just because I enjoy them. One is getting a manicure about once every two weeks and the other is getting my eyebrows waxed. The manicure removes/hides the ridges on my fingernails and I love the way nail polish looks when I watch my fingers while typing on the keyboard. Yes, I KNOW you aren't supposed to look at the keys when you are typing, but, Hey! It happens. Getting my eyebrows waxed is a necessity or I begin to look like Brooke Shields and Groucho Marx's love child. And I only have one eyebrow and the uni-brow look is so Neanderthal. So, I get my eyebrows waxed at the same place I get my manicure. While getting my eyebrows done a couple of days ago, a Korean lady shouts to me in a voice loud enough to attract the attention of the little deaf lady who lives at least a mile away, "YOU WANT YOU LIP WAXED, TOO?" Wh...

Lists are supposed to be popular on blogs. I read somewhere that if you can't think of anything to write and nothing funny is going on in your life, to make a list and everyone on Earth and a couple of planets in a galaxy far, far away will read your stuff. So, here is my list of stuff I know about men. 1. They are very knowledgeable about porn and sports equipment. 2. I know this because they helped me shop for some... sports equipment, that is. When I was younger and into more sporty things than I am now and was trying to get the really hot sporty jock kind of guy to notice me. 3. The jocks never talk to nerdy chicks 4. Or ask them out on dates, regardless of how much sports equipment nerdy chicks ask advice on. 5. They can't cook. 6. I know this because I did all the cooking. 7. They're very smart. 8. I know this because I did all the cooking. 9. And the cleaning.

Imagine that you are quietly going about your business and you suddenly take a tumble that leaves your ankle AND your elbow sprained requiring that you take drugs and/or copious amounts of alcohol to dull the shooting pains in your left ankle and your left elbow. Now, imagine you call your loving children to report the issue to them and they ask you if you broke your hip and you have to remind them that although you were born back in the olden days, you bones are not yet that brittle. Now, imagine that you did this at work, which serves to totally embarrass you adding insult to injury and then you have to take a day off from work to recover because your office is on the second floor of the office building and there is no elevator in the building so you have to climb stairs. Imagine, you are trying to recover from your horrible injuries while you are at home and then your computer totally and completely crashes for no apparent reason and you cannot get it to boot up, so you are stranded...

I haven't written much about the place where I work, but today I decided it warrants a mention. It is a high tech agency that designs websites-the websites that have hundreds of pages for companies who sell hundreds of products. Yep, someone designs those sites. The company's speciality is travel sites, or visitor and convention bureaus, or the Official Website for the City of [insert city name] or the County of [insert county name.] One of the owners decided it was time to upgrade the office, so there has been a lot of re-decorating going on. He has put in new furniture, a big screen TV, and some hanging lamps that are, I am very sorry to report, orange and don't really match. But, he didn't ask for my decorating advice, so I have kept that to myself. My boss hired Sal the Bulgarian to paint the office walls. The walls range in color from pale gray to three different shades of aqua-blue to a color that can only be described as, well, um... let me put it this way: If I ...